Put a face to the Feelings
by RavenRose8
Summary: Random dark drabble, random thoughts almost. Mentions of suicide and self harm, although brief.


_**Dark themes ahead, mentions of suicide and self-harm. Depression.**_

 _ **Written to Breaking Benjamin, mainly Had Enough and Diary of Jane.**_

* * *

 **Put a face to the Feelings.**

It was just that day. It was nothing special, a day like any other. Classes as normal, training, lunch everything was normal.

It wasn't until she was in her bed reading that it hit her. She just had no desire to keep reading, studying or really do anything. She just wanted to sit there and cry. That's it.

She felt suffocated in the dorm room with her team so with a brief, 'I'm going out for a walk, be back later. Don't wait up.' She left the room, her team didn't seem to notice any change in her as she left.

She always had a wanderlust. Her mind taking her in hundreds of different places in seconds, imagining being in different places, doing different things and maybe, just maybe that odd thought of spending it with someone.

She'd pay more attention on TV when she would see people kissing, trying to work out how it was done, why people said it was so good and why they did it. It seemed dirty to her, who would want to put their tongue in someone else's mouth?

But that didn't matter, not really. It was just one of many thoughts that caught up to her in those times. She would think about things that could go wrong, things that she could never do or felt too scared to even think about doing because of other people there.

There was no one to talk to, no one she completely trusted to tell them about everything that bothered her. Not even her family, she had a front. A well-used and easy front that she could use to hide her true feelings and emotions from people.

She had so many sides to her but she just couldn't work out which one was really her, was it the one that was happy with her team most of the time? Or was it the one that's always sad and thinking about death, and the almost panic attacks that brought on. Weird huh? A Huntress in training being scared of death?

But it was true, if she let the thoughts get to her she became scared to sleep some nights. Lost in her thoughts as they grew darker and darker with each passing moment.

Thoughts of ways she could kill herself, or maybe just harm herself. She has access to so many weapons she could just end it instantly, go into Forever Fall or use any number of weapons around. Maybe just harm herself a little, but she could never do it. Too cowardly and scared of what might happen afterwards if it was the case, or too scared of death to really do it.

All the while her team sat next to her, asleep or awake it didn't matter, they were none the wiser to her inner turmoil she endured on an almost daily rate.

She was pretty sure what was wrong with her, knew she could go to the school doctor or another doctor. Be told what she had and either be sent to talk to someone or given some tablets to make her feel better. She didn't want that, so she didn't bother with it at all.

There was one person though, it was all in her mind. There was never a face, nor anything really about how the person looked, nothing.

It was just what the person was like. How she would make her feel safe, make her feel secure and just want to be with her. Someone she could trust so much that she told them everything, the first person she told everything about herself too. She wanted that, so badly but she couldn't. It was just her imagination and it loved playing tricks on her.

All of this hit her like multiply trains hitting each other at once. So she walked. It was the good thing about Beacon, the large grounds in which she could walk.

But she was always drawn to this one spot. It was strange, nowhere on the grounds did roses grow. Except in one place. A small little alcove near the tea gardens.

Her back against the wall of the tea area itself she leant against it, dark outside there was very little lit except for what came from the broken moon itself.

She couldn't help but laugh at that, the broken moon shinning on her, the broken soul. She sat there, just staring at the roses that grew there, watching them as they swayed gently in a soft breeze.

She didn't know when it started but slowly her eyes blurred with the tears she never allowed to fall, clearly no longer willing to be held back any longer.

She pulled her knees up, burying her face into them, not looking at the flowers anymore but instead the images inside her head of all the different, dark thoughts that were rushing through her brain just to torture herself even more.

She didn't know how long she was sat there crying, she didn't even notice when someone sat down next to her, the girl, which she later found out. Had silently sat down, she could remember feeling the ground move for her as she sat.

But the girl just sat down next to her silently, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders but didn't move her, nor say a word. Just let her decide what to do, the offer was made it was up to her whether to accept it or not.

Slowly she leaned into the embrace, feeling safe within it and cried against the other person. Cried until she couldn't cry anymore, and then just a little bit more from everything she held back.

As the night started to turn into day, the birds chirping to alert the two of them to the change. Both had been up all night.

The girl slowly pulled back to look at the other person. Not caring it was a girl, she stared into the constantly changing eyes. A smile forcing itself on her lips as she tried to fight it but failed.

She found in those eyes something safe, someone trustworthy enough for her. It took just that glance, that small interaction during her weakest point for her to see that.

"I'm Ruby." Ruby said, her voice rough and raspy from crying so much during the night.

"Neo." The girl replied, her voice was sweet and filled with a gentleness and comfort that Ruby had been dreaming of for so long, but now she finally had a face to put to the feeling.

She smiled, no longer having to hold back and she beamed even more when the smile was returned.


End file.
